Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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