Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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