I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
