A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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