So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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