forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
