Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
