i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
