I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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