Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
