I smell stomach acid.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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