if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
