Buhtt sex?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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