ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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