I wish my penis had an off switch
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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