PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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