Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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