Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
