i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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