mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
