I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
