guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
