who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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