I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
