addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
