then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
