I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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