I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
