If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
