Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
