On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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