Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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