my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
