thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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