anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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