hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
