Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
