I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
