I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
