Already got asked if we're dating
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
