I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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