I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
