I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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