Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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