i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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