When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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