the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
