sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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