a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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