So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
