Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
