Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
