can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
