Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish i was in the wii world.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
