True but thats because hes a fetus.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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