yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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