Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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