I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the day after is always just damage control
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
