her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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