I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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