My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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