I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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