Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize