You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
