o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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