i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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